Of Math and Secrets
by Endings Matter Most
Summary: Was it possible for a heart to literally explode into a million pieces? sora/riku, riku/kairi; one-shot


**Of Math and Secrets**

Of Math and Secrets

I wrote this for my friend Max. Once we were in a Wendy's with my other friend Sam and we started talking about Kingdom Hearts. And Max, being the gay, yaoi freak he is, and me, being the hardcore Riku/Kairi shipper that I am, got into like… and hour-long argument about how Riku is _not_ gay for Sora. I would agree with him that Sora might be gay for Riku, but _Riku_ is not gay for _Sora_. I explained all of the "Riku loves Kairi" hints from the first _and_ the second game. I felt like such a loser, but it didn't matter.

So I told him when we were on Facebook the other day that I would write him a story. Never, will I write full out Riku/Sora stuff… but one-sided… sure. It's Sora's side and this is probably a one time only thing. It's 4 in the morning, I'm bored, and I promised him that I would… so why not? And sorry for the failure of a title. I was tired and couldn't think of anything else.

All right… here we go… this is going to be the biggest piece of fail ever, especially because I hate Riku/Sora… that will not help matters…

* * *

Kairi, Riku, and I all sat in our math class and our teacher was explaining something or other about… fractions, I think. I don't really know, I wasn't paying attention.

We sat in a desk group of three. Kairi and Riku were sitting next to each other and I was across from them. Riku's head was down on the table and he had a pencil in hand to make it semi-look as if he was paying attention. Kairi, of course, was busily writing down notes. I was just totally zoned, my head lolled back and looking up at the ceiling. Had it always been a light shade of blue?

"Riku, sit up." Teacher-Mc-What's-Her-Face called. "And Sora, stop looking at the ceiling."

Kairi snorted, but quickly passed it off as cough.

"Pay attention, both of you." She called from up front. "This is going to be on the test tomorrow."

Half of the class groaned. Riku muttered something like, "Stupid bitch." And sat up unwillingly and slammed his pencil down on the desk. He grinned and looked up at me through his lashes. "Now I have an excuse not to come to school tomorrow."

I smiled back at him, the way I always smiled at Riku. It was a genuine Sora-to-Riku smile. I never delivered anything less.

"I'm sorry, Principal Bitch-Face, I had a test in math and I didn't know how to do any of it." Riku said, raising his voice a couple of octaves, sounding not at all like himself. He bent over his paper and began to write something down. "I think it's a perfectly logical excuse. What? Sure, I'll have sex with you if you overlook it. No problem."

Kairi slapped him across the arm. "Riku that doesn't make any sense." She hissed.

I smirked. "It's probably a play about how Principal Bitch-Face totally has herself a thing for sexy-Riku." I told her. "You haven't noticed how every time Riku smiles at her, she just melts."

_Kind of like the way _you_ do._ I thought.

Kairi tried to hide a smile and turned back to the front of the class. "No." she said, controlling her voice.

"Jealous much?" I whispered to her.

She turned and shot a glare at me. "You're one to talk." She shot back.

Riku rolled his eyes and I thought I could see his cheeks turning a light shade of pink. It wasn't a secret that Kairi was developing a thing for Riku. After I talked to her about my feelings towards her being purely the kind a brother would feel for his sister, she'd strangely understood. I think she was already in the process de-Sora-ising herself. It also wasn't a secret that Riku was totally head-over-heels for Kairi, and had been since he'd first met her.

However, the big secret was what _my_ feelings were.

Riku shifted uncomfortably and bent farther over his notes than before. He was scribbling something away frantically. Kairi was discreetly looking over his shoulder, but was obviously not satisfied with what she found. She shot me a look that clearly said _He isn't writing anything juicy_. "Just notes." She whispered.

"What's just notes?" Riku asked, not looking up from his paper.

"What you're writing." I answered, and threw my pen on my desk. "I'm done. I can't do anything anymore."

"Sora, you haven't done _anything_." Kairi pointed out.

"The three of you in the back need to be quiet." Teacher-Mc-What's-Her-Face scolded us. "There are people who are actually trying to learn."

"No there aren't." Riku grumbled. "No one is paying attention to you."

"Have something you want to say Mr. Milanyo?" the woman called back.

"Yeah." Riku nodded. "_No_ one is listening to you anymore. You might as well just throw down that stupid piece of chalk and let us talk for the rest of the period."

The teacher pursed her lips at him. "Detention, Mr. Milanyo."

Riku rolled his eyes. "Yeah, okay."

A couple students in the class snickered. Riku pretty much owned the school. He could get out of anything, everyone wanted to be him, and all the girls wanted to be _with_ him. All the girls… and me.

"I'll just go talk to the principal now." Riku offered, gathering all of his things.

"Yes I believe that would be the best idea." Teacher-Mc-What's-Her-Face agreed. "And take your talking duo with you."

Riku snorted, but otherwise motioned for us to get our things. Teacher-Mc-What's-Her-Face started to teach again as we left the room.

As we exited the classroom, Riku burst out laughing. "She's so _stupid_."

Kairi frowned. "I'm missing class thanks to you."

Riku grinned and wrapped his arm around Kairi waist. "Please, just as long as you're with me does it matter?"

I cleared my throat loudly. "Third wheel back here guys."

Kairi removed Riku's arm from around her waist, blushing. Riku grinned. "Alright… let's go talk to Principal Bitch-Face."

"We're actually going to do that?" I asked, coming into step beside him.

"Well if we don't, I'll have to serve detention with evil math teacher back there." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder.

I nodded. "Well _you_ can do that, but I'm not." I told him. "I don't want to see her drool all over her paper while she talks to you. It creeps me out, especially since you flirt back."

Kairi nodded her head in agreement. "It's disgusting." Was all she offered.

Riku shrugged. "I don't like it either, but I get out of everything because of that woman. It works for me."

"Alright, well I'm going to go with Sora." Kairi said, taking a step towards Sora.

Riku nodded. "Okay. I'll call you later." He smiled. "We will all get together and have a big math test studying group."

"Sounds good with me." I said. "I actually need to study. Just a little though… like a quick review or something. Then I'll at least get a D. That works for me."

"See you later." Kairi said, giving him a quick hug.

Riku nodded again, waved, and walked off towards the office.

"Was he serious about the studying?" Kairi asked, walking with me out to her car.

Kairi and I were next-door neighbors, so we rode to school together. Riku had his own car so we hardly ever saw him in the mornings. He was constantly oversleeping.

I shrugged. "Probably not really, but he will call later and will come over with math books, but will just sit there and not do anything." I smiled. "Then tomorrow he'll get a perfect score on the test and move on with his life, because Riku is annoyingly smart like that."

Kairi rolled her eyes and climbed into the driver's seat of her car. "Are we allowed to be leaving campus?" she asked, suddenly, swinging her bag into the back.

"I dunno… this is last period, so I don't see why not. What else are we supposed to do?" I asked. "And besides, no one cares."

She considered for a moment and then shrugged. "True." She allowed and started the engine. "But if we get in trouble, I'm blaming you. I have a perfect record."

"Blah, blah." I rolled my eyes. "That just means you don't have fun."

Kairi suppressed a smile and drove away from the school.

* * *

It was exactly how I predicted it to be. Riku called, brought books, and then just sat around in my house while Kairi tried to teach me how to do… something with fractions… I don't know.

"Sora that is not how you do it!" Kairi cried. Frustrated, she slammed her pencil down on the table and put her head in her hands.

I also threw down my pencil, and then leaned back in my chair, folding my arms across my chest. Riku chuckled, glancing over his shoes which were on the table. I glared at him. "Well do _you_ know how to do it?" I hissed.

Riku motioned for me to give him the paper. I did, along with a pencil. He glanced at the problem, scribbled something down on the paper, looked up at the ceiling doing some quick mental math, and finally wrote the answer down. He threw it back at me, a satisfied smirk on his face.

I looked at the paper blankly, and then looked up at him for moment. "Why did you give this to _me_?" I asked skeptically.

Kairi huffed and sat up, taking the paper from me and looked at it for a minute. "That's not right…" Kairi said to herself.

Riku rolled his eyes, and took his feet off the table. He pointed to something on the paper, then to another, and then leaned back, folding his hands across the back of his head.

Kairi glanced back and forth at the two things he'd pointed to. "Oh… right…" she nodded. "Then, yeah, that is right."

I threw my hands up in the air. "You don't even pay attention in class!" I exclaimed.

Riku smiled. "That's because I don't need to."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I hate you." I said. I was the only one that caught the irony in my words.

"C'mon, Kai." Riku said standing and motioning for her to do the same. "I'll walk you to your house real fast. You actually get up in time to go to school. I'll stay up all night and teach Sora how to do this."

Kairi glanced at me. "Just go." I nodded. "You can't teach me anything, and Riku is obviously better at it."

She glared at me, her mouth open. She slammed her book closed and gathered up her papers quickly, not saying goodbye to me. I laughed.

Riku smiled and watched her walk away, then quickly jogged after her. I waited until I heard the front door closed, and then I got up quickly and went to the window that faced Kairi's house.

I could see them. Their mouths were not moving, so they were walking in silence. Then I saw Riku slowly lift his hand to take one of Kairi's hands away from her books she was holding across her chest. He linked their hands together, and Kairi did not object.

And although, I knew I had never had a chance, my heart dropped.

Together, hand in hand, my two friends walked to Kairi's porch, and Riku stopped, not walking up the stairs to her front door. Kairi walked up one stair then turned to face him. Their hands dropped.

My heart was beating faster and faster as they looked up at one another. Riku wasn't saying anything, and I didn't think Kairi was. Maybe…

All of my hopes were drained as Riku took both of Kairi's hands and his lips moved, saying something I could not hear. I could only guess what he was saying.

One of his hands slipped out of hers, and moved her hair behind her ear. He lingered for a moment, his fingertips touching her cheek. I had never seen Riku be sentimental, he was always a hard, sarcastic, cocky wall, so to see him leek actual emotions into his face was a good breather from the regular Riku. I could only imagine how Kairi felt right now.

Kairi leaned into his touch. He smiled and dropped his hand, slipping his other out of hers. As he turned to walk back to my house, Kairi took his face in her hands and ran her fingers through his hair. All he did was look at her, focusing intently on her facial expression.

Riku's mouth moved again, though this time I could not even imagine what he was saying. He'd already said what I knew he'd been dying to say since the moment he met Kairi.

She didn't say anything back. Kairi looked down at him for a moment, and then leaned over, her arms locking around his neck, and she pressed his lips to his.

Was it possible for a heart to literally explode into a million pieces? It must be, because that is what felt like when her lips touched his.

Riku's arms snaked around her waist and he held her close. I longed to be in her position. And though I had no right to, I couldn't help but think, _That should be me._ But it really shouldn't be. Riku was finally getting what he wanted, and that was Kairi. It wasn't me. I was just being selfish.

Finally, Riku ended the kiss, smiling as he'd never smiled before, not even with me, his best friend. He whispered something to her, three undeniable words. "I love you."

She must have said it back. Who wouldn't say it back?

Kairi backed away from him slowly, and disappeared from my view. Riku watched her, that radiant smile still on his face. He waved lovingly to her, and the light from her house disappeared as she closed the door.

Riku lingered a moment, absorbing what had just happened. Then, without any thought to who might be watching him, he exclaimed in joy and took off running back to my house.

I hurried back to the kitchen, and just as I sat down, the front door banged open.

"Sora!" he called my name, his feet running into the kitchen.

Before I could even call back to him, he was pacing in front of me. "It happened… it actually happened." He said happily. He touched his lips. "I told her how I felt… and she kissed me." He turned to me, with that smile still on his face. "Can you believe it? _She_ kissed _me_. Kairi!"

Riku twirled around on one foot and flopped onto my kitchen floor. He laughed, and put his palms to his forehead and fell onto his back. With a sigh, he let his arms collapse to the floor, spread out beside him like wings. It suited him. My silver-headed angel.

I forced a smile onto my face. "Yeah, Riku." I nodded. "That's great."

He laughed again. He could wipe that smile off his face. It was starting to bother me. "It is." He agreed. "It really, really is." Riku flipped up to a sitting position and looked at me, his aqua eyes twinkling. "And she said it back."

I nodded. "Of course she did." I put that stupid smile back on my face. "Who wouldn't?"

Riku shook his head in disbelief and jumped up from the floor. "So!" he said, clapping his hands together. "Math!"

I waved him away. "No, it's okay. We can just forget about that, Riku." I told him. "You don't want to spend the best night of your life doing math."

He nodded. "No, but I will." He sat down in his chair from before and scooted closer to me, leaning over to see my paper. As he copied down some things on his own paper, he said, "Besides, what's wrong with spending the best night of my life with my best friend?"

I shrugged, looking at his face as he concentrated on copying things correctly. "Nothing. It's just… wouldn't you rather spend it with Kairi?"

Riku leaned back in his chair. "I already did. She just made it the best night of my life. There's nothing wrong with me telling my best friend about it." He smiled. "Besides, if you pass the math test tomorrow, that would be awesome, and I'm in an awesome mood, so let's make some awesome happen."

I rolled my eyes at his overuse of that word. "Okay." I said with a shrug, looking down at my paper with my pencil in hand.

Riku started explaining some stuff to me, but I wasn't listening. I was watching his face. He was practically glowing with happiness. Usually, happy is my thing, but when someone gets their heart figuratively ripped how, it's hard to be happy.

"Get it?" Riku asked, leaning over to point at my paper with the answer on it. With that smile still on his face, he looked up at me. All I wanted to do was wipe that smile, which was not for me, off his face.

And I don't know how it happened, and I don't know why I did it… but my hand slipped into his hair and I kissed him.

Right there in my kitchen, my fingers tangled in his silver hair, holding him to my lips. He was shocked, frozen in the state that I held him in as I kissed him tenderly, my lips moving alone.

Finally, his hand rose up to my chest and gently pushed me away. And with a heavy heart, I let him go. I looked at the ground as he stood with a hand on his mouth. "I'm sorry." I said quietly. He was going to run.

Riku didn't respond. He couldn't find the words. He took a couple of paces away from me. I looked up at him. I knew that what I'd done was completely unpredictable, something that he never saw coming. It was probably something that he never even considered. I didn't understand that. I traveled all over the worlds to find him and save him.

Finally, Riku turned back to look at him, his hand falling to his side. His eyes showed no sign of anger or disgust. He did not look like he was going to run. He looked shocked, of course, but there was something else. It was almost sympathy, but it couldn't have been.

"I…" I started, looking down at the paper again. "I didn't mean to…"

His eyes were not showing an emotion. He was questioning me, and in his state of shock, and the alarm in his eyes masked his question from me.

Why?

Tears sprung to my eyes. "Okay… uh…" I said, busying myself with gathering papers and stuffing them into his math book. "I'll see you… at some point, I'm sure. But yeah, I think I get this… fraction thing." I stood and gave him the book, refusing to meet his eyes. "Bye Riku."

He took the book with one hand, never leaving his position. I turned and fled from the kitchen and into the living room. I looked out the window, my hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs.

"Sora?" his voice echoed in my head. My heart leapt.

I didn't turn to him. He was standing in the door, the book still in his hand. I shook my head, more to myself than to him. I wanted nothing more than to run to him, throw my arms around his neck and hug him, because my life nearly depended on it.

"Sora, c'mon." Riku said, his voice coming closer. I heard him place the book on the end table beside the couch. "C'mon… stop crying."

"I'm not crying." I choked out.

He sighed. "Hey, Sora… will you just turn around, please?" he asked.

I shook my head again. I didn't want to see his face again. He should just leave.

"Fine." His footsteps led him to me. He took my shoulders and spun me around, and I obeyed limply. I didn't want to fight.

I looked away from Riku to his left. His hands stayed firmly upon my shoulder, and he shook me playfully. "Hey," he said. I could almost hear a smile on his face. "It's okay. I'm not going anywhere."

With red, puffy eyes, I turned my eyes upon him. He was smiling sadly at me. I took a deep, shaky breath, but refused to say anything.

"Sora, you are my best friend." He told me. "And I am not going to just forget about you. I am still your friend, and I will always be your friend. Hell, I'm your _best_ friend, Sora. You should've told me about this. What did you think I was going to do?"

"Run away." I said shortly, my voice shaking.

Riku chuckled slightly. "Well I'm not."

I turned to face him completely. His eyes betrayed no trace of a lie. "Really?" I asked.

"Really." He said, raising his eyebrows. He removed his hands from my shoulders. "Remember how I'm your best friend and stuff? I'm not your best friend for nothing, you know?"

I didn't smile. I shrugged.

Riku's smile faded. "Sora… I… I can't tell you that when you…" he paused. "Well… what you did… I can't say that it didn't shock the hell out of me, but I _will_ tell you, that this, in no way, ends our friendship. I mean, you scared the shit out of me, and I probably didn't handle it very well for a minute, but I think I'm doing a damn good job right now."

I cocked an eyebrow. He smiled again and nodded. "Okay, so I'm kind of stumbling with the words… still. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not running, I'm not going to go and tell the universe what happened. I'm staying right here, with my best friend. Because you need me right now, although I don't know how much help I'm going to be. But I'll be here. Okay?"

"Okay." I nodded, crossing my arms across my chest, feeling defeated.

"Sora…" he started. "I… I love Kairi, and I mean, I love you, too… but… not… _that_ way. I'm really sorry and I just… suck at comforting people… but I'm trying, okay? Do you feel any better at all?" he asked. "Like… are you happy that you have it off your chest and that you know you can always be completely honest with me?"

I nodded. "A little…" I admitted.

Riku nodded. "A little." He agreed.

We stood there, staring at each other, unable to say a word.

Finally he said, "Do you… want to talk to Kairi about it?" he asked. "She's probably better at this stuff than me."

I shrugged. "I dunno." I admitted. "Maybe."

"She'd understand, Sora." Riku said. "And she'll probably be able to explain things to me a lot better too… Although I don't really have any right to be confused, do I?"

I shook my head. "No, you do."

Another awkward pause. It was clear that Riku was really bad at deep, intimate conversations, and the situation that I put him in wasn't helping anything. Or maybe it was just the situation. I didn't really know.

"So, where does this leave us?" I asked, worried.

Riku smiled. "Leave us?" he asked. "Sora, nothing has changed, for me anyways. You're still my best friend."

"But… are things going to be… awkward?" I asked.

Riku opened his mouth and paused. "I'm not going to lie… probably, but only for a little while. Eventually you'll meet someone else and you'll move on." He sighed. "It really shouldn't be that hard, I promise."

"You don't give yourself enough credit." I grumbled. "You're a lot better person than you give yourself credit for."

He shook his head with a slight smile of his face. "Okay…" he said.

Then, without warning, he gathered me in a tight, comforting, friendly hug. I hugged him, grasping at his back and burying my face into his shoulder. I felt so weak, but I felt safe and I felt loved, though I know that love did not go beyond friendship.

But that was all right. I knew Riku cared. And I knew that we would always be friends.

I didn't know it until I started to cry again until I heard Riku tell me to stop. I looked up at him, and then glanced at his shoulder. It was wet with my salty tears. "Sorry." I said, my voice drained from my sobs earlier.

He shrugged. "I'm sorry, too." He said, holding up a hand when I started to object. "And yes, I do have reason to be sorry."

I shut my mouth, and looked at the floor. Riku walked away from me and grabbed his book from the table. "Well… this was sufficiently awkward." He joked, trying to break the ice. It almost worked. "And I have a math test tomorrow. I'm probably going to fail now. Thanks Sora, you've kept me up past my bedtime."

"Baby." I muttered.

Riku grinned and waved to me. "Bye Sora. I'll see you tomorrow."

He turned to leave, but I called, "Riku!" He turned around to face me. "Sorry… again."

Riku smiled and genuine Riku-to-Sora smile. "Stop apologizing." He said. "And I won't tell Kairi, I promise. You can tell her when you're ready."

"Riku!" I stopped him again. "Congratulations… about you and Kairi. I know that is something you've wanted for a long time…"

Riku grinned. "Yeah…" he admitted. "But, don't focus on that, Sora. It's cool. We won't be… I dunno… We won't be a couple around you, okay. Not until you're ready."

I shook my head. "Don't worry about me—"

"Too bad." He grinned. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I smiled sadly. "Okay… see you tomorrow."

So my darkest secret was revealed, Riku finally told Kairi about his feelings and she felt the same… and I still had a math test tomorrow.

Great… I don't even know how to do that fraction… thing.

* * *

Okay… I sort of liked that. I hope you guys did too, especially Max, since I wrote this for him and I kept telling him I was almost done with it and I would post it soon and then I didn't post it for another like… two hours.

All right, well I didn't think this was as much of a fail as I thought it would be. Sorry yaoi fans… I'm not too big on Riku/Sora action… Don't like that couple, and probably never will. I'm hardcore Riku/Kairi, as we all know. I love Axel/Roxas though. They are so cute together. I'll write something else for them soon.

I have a bunch of other pairings that I plan to do on my profile. A whole butt load of new ships to try. So if anyone has any requests on what I should do first, or anything to add to the list, then let me know. I'm trying to expand away from Riku/Kairi, although I will probably always write more for that than anything else. Like… that will be the only ship that I write full out stories about. One-shots, three-shots, five-shots, etc. for the others.

Okay… well this was a long author's note. I hope you enjoyed this.

Katie


End file.
